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exist trace!!! IRON ANGEL LIVE- Next Blaze-
WOW... i saw a lot of great new bands!! the vocalist for Los Child looked a lot like Miho =P
Ganglion had some trouble getting the audience genki-ed up but I really liked them! the next band was kinda ehh... but Los Child was raelly good =D haha like i said, the lead singer looked like Miho and had a strong voice =D i liked them! and mary's blood was raelly good too!!
some people came up when exist trace was up next and asked the front guy to switch since he's been hogging the first row the whole concert... and since i was standing right behind him, he told me to get to the front so i was in the front for exist trace!! OMG!!! I was standing right where Omi was!! god that woman is awesome!! and when Miko changed spots, she smiled at me a lot ^^ awww i was happy!! their set list was TRUE, HONNOU, MC, unforgive you (which Miko's guitar strap broke during the last quarter of the song so she was gone for awhile) and then KISS IN THE DARK, RESONANCE, Vanguard and then they came out and performed Judea for their encore! afterwards, all the bands came out in the back to the merch. area to advertise their stuff... Ganglion was super excited when I bought a towel of theirs =P and then I bought a Mary's Blood shirt and they were really happy. and I smiled like a retard at Omi and Jyou =P hahah and then since I bought Knife and Los Child's CD (which I could have gotten autographs but i kept losing my place in line =() I was able to go around and get their signature paper thing. SO i went up to exist trace and Jyou gave me their card and she asked 楽しんでいますか? and I answered "of course! you guys are great! please go to America again" or something retarded -_- HAHA I think Jyou was pretty surprised... hahaha and then I shook her hands (wow... soft ><) and then I told Omi "please go to America again!' and she nodded and said 'america?' or something... i dont remember... and i shook her hands... taht woman has a very good and strong handshake =D and then i went around again and got Mary's Blood's signature thing and shook hands with a two of them and told them to "頑張ってください and thank you!" and they said thank you =) i think the vocalist said thank you in English or somehting... i dont really remember and i was walking away when the other members popped out from behind and were like 'wait!! HANDSHAKE!' so i went back and shook all their hands =P haha god i'm tired but im SO HAPPY i got to see exist trace and front row too!! AHHH FREAKING CRAZY!!!!
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So... yah... Jyou is super hot >< SUPER HOT.... after coming out for the encore... omg -___- she had her hair pulled back with a headband and was wearing this strapless corset looking thing... and shorts/skirt... i dont remember... but she was REALLY HOT >< and she had these butterfly tattoos on her collarbones... christ >< at that point... i think they sang a new song... quite honestly, i couldn't concentrate AT ALL... AHHAHA HAHAHAH she held Miko's face and looked at the audience for a minute and then planted a kiss.. HAHAHAHA the entire audience was SERIOUSLY silent for a second... and then suddenly, "KKKYYYAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" HAHAHAHHAHHHAHA and then they went offstage and everyone was silently freaking out about what they just witnessed... TWO JAPANESE GIRLS KISSED?! BLASPHEMY!!!... and then after a few quiet minutes... they laughed and started cheering for an encore and after the encore finished, Omi tried the same thing... grabbed Miko's face but Miko turned away.. HAHAH rejected... but I think eventually, she also got to plant one of Miko... I wasn't paying attention... was trying to catch a freaking pick -___- which the tall girl in front of me caught... but i already had that one -_- I want Miko's white one!! >< boo -___-
SUPER merchandise shopping =D christ their new shirt looks FREAKING AWESOME!!! hahaha bought 2 because I wanted to wear one and save the other one for... decoration? bought the tote bag, their new towel, their Truth CD that came with a signed poster!!! and photographs!!! christ -_- these girls spoil us =P hahahha pretty much bought everything they had for sale (save for the wristband... sorry... but when am i really going to wear it?)... and signed their Japan flag... in English >< hehehehe the only english you saw when Jyou brought it out during the 2nd encore waving it around and Mally had the America flag covered in messages from their America concert =)
"Through struggle will you rise to the top. congratulations on going major! Your music gives Japan strength" or something like that -_- ... and i guess thinking back on it now... i shoulda written it more poetically like "through struggle can you overcome the sorrows and hardships of life" hahahaHAHAH oh whatever... Miko can read and speak English =P

plus, i had no idea that miko did the backup vocals for songs >< haha i was surprised... and she has a beautiful voice >< gah.... omg -___- can't get that little kiss that jyou gave miko outta my head =P HAHAHHA
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Girugamesh - World Tour 2011 "Here we go!!"

It's so great to see them live again! Blew my mind again how great they sound live! Had SO MUCH fun!! The crowd was insane and the band was so lively! Everyone was dancing and cheering! SUPER GREAT NIGHT!! I was SUPEr excited to see them but to be quite honest, I hadn't really listened to their newest album much. It's more upbeat and happy sounding... yah I listened to it but it never really stuck... so I was a little curious about how I would enjoy this concert... but their energy was PHENOMENAL!! They are SO excited and outgoing and it was just a great atmosphere overall. Felt like they were enjoying the show themselves too! The bassist stopped for awhile and taught us how to sing a few songs =P and then they did two encores, first one with a charity song for Japan and then the last encore for a slow ballad. Super great way to end the night... omg... be seriously, they are SO great... they played a couple of old hard rock songs so I really loved that. It reminded me of the LM.C concert I went to... having fun and rocking out at the same time... I hope I can see them again... they're SERIOUSLY amazing live... sounds SUPER awesome and perfecT!!!
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DELUHI+Manterou OPERA - 2 Man tour ~Symphony from Japan 2011~

OMG... SO GREAT!!! Manterou is super awesome as always... definitely a band I'd watch again and again =D When they finished, Yuu threw out his drumsticks... flew towards the girl in front of me, bounced off her hands, hit my mouth -_- and landed in my hands =P HAHAHAH though I would have rather traded it for the guitar pick the guy in front of me got =P
DELUHI - I was super bummed when I found out they were disbanding and every ticket anywhere imaginable for their final tour was sold out -_- but thank heavens they decided to do this coupling tour! Scored great tickets and got to watch them live... When they came out for encore, they asked us what we wanted them to play because they didn't plan ahead of time =P then they called out Manterou and performed a song from each band together =) aww.. Juri threw out his water bottle aftewards and flew towards me again but I moved out of the way because I don't want a water bottle -_-
But I should have stayed where I was during Manterou's performance because I think I was too close to the speakers, my ears were ringing so bad. The only other time this happened was when I went to watch Kaya at PMX and my ears got so messed up that things were starting to sound out of tune. Anyway, rocked out hard... ringing ears and sore neck and arm from headbanging and fist pumping to prove it +P
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CRAZY LONG LINES!! We had to wait an hour after doors opened to get in o.O and then FIRST STOP- MERCH!!!
Mean boyfriend smashed his girlfriend into my spot but it actually pushed me to a closer and better viewing spot ^^ hahaha

I LOVED THIS CONCERT!!!! God.. it felt SO GREAT to scream and dance and go crazy with other foreigners +P (I like how respectful Japanese people are... but nah... seriously, hahaha SCREAM YOUR LUNGS OUT and HAVING FUN is the best way to enjoy!!) Japanese people were freaked and commenting on how "すごい" we all were but it was great that after the 2nd song, they were cheering and screaming too.
It's great that I could sing along with the songs and understand the MC ^^ AHH I LOVE YOU KYLIE!! She was so gorgeous!! AWESOME STAGE, 5 costume changes with a quick little excerpt with 'Nu-di-ty"!! I almost passed out when I heard it ^^
hehe and yah for all the gay fans who came and supported Kylie... god I miss seeing open and obviously gay ppl -___-
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Versailles - Spring Tour 2011 -Philia-

There were SO many people there... Kamijo was surprised at how many guys were there so he had this "男!!" chant session with the boys. HAHA and when the boys were all crazily chanting 男", Kamijo was like 'wait wait.. why are you chanting that!" he wanted them to chant something else but I couldn't hear what it was. Afterwards, he said "now... what should the girl's chant? Btw, (I think this was another concert or something) they chanted jo...kami' and he said that he thought "jo" sounded cool but not "jokami" everyone started laughing and chanting 'JOKAMI!!' and he was like "違う違う違う!!!
It was nice to see them again... saw the new bassist Masashi today. However, Kamijo still introduced Jasmine You as "our eternal member" during "The Revenant Choir" (super nostalgic), shoot -_- felt the tears crawling up when he said that. And before the final goodbye, he did a last member call and again mentioned Jasmine You. Then looked up to the sky and was silent for awhile. It was heartbreaking.
Anyway... they are SUPER great... When they came out for encore, they were wearing their Philia costume... HOT ^^ and they are the ONLY band I know who throws out A CRAPLOAD of stuff. Picks, drumsticks, merchandise, towel and those changing color rose light up stick (I wanted one -_-) one flew near me but I didn't get it... crazy boys lunged for it first. Also, overall very friendly band... everyone was leaning in and shaking hands with the fans. HAH I think Kamijo had problems with his earphones because he kept fidgeting around with it throughout the whole concert.

I actually haven't kept up with Versailles much... and so I honestly didn't think I'd enjoy this concert much. I have to admit, I do love my Lareine Kamijo... Versailles' music is a bit... I duno.. haha exactly my taste. I mean... I listen to them occassionally, but not a constant on the playlist. So I was kind of not looking forward to the concert... thinking that I probably have no idea what songs they were going to play. But I was surprised that I actually recognized most of the songs... give or take 2-3 songs from the latest single that I haven't heard yet. But yah... I was surprised... hahaha. Plus, they played a lot a few songs from their old stuff which I did have and listened to. Yah... I came to this concert for Kamijo... I won't lie. I love him. I was surprised to find that Teru is super popular with the fans... they were all going crazy about Teru... but my eyes never left Kamijo =P he's the hottie... especially in his super sexy Philia costume... omg... DROOL!!! and Hizaki... HAHAH had this sexy librarian look +P came out with his black skirt thing and glasses... oh wow... Hizaki looks HOT with glasses -_- I wish he kept them on the whole time... hahaha
OMG... and Kamijo's English has gotten REALLY good... I was pretty damn surprised... hhah
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OMG... I had SO much fun at this concert! Went to see cocklobin and Sel'm but Cat fisT was an absolutely GREAT discovery! cocklobin was freaking awesome!! HAHA hilarious MC! And Sel'm.... nothing can be said about how MUCH fun I had!!! I was SO happy to see them!! I've always dreamed of seeing them live!!! and it's just in time! the vocalist is and guitarist are leaving the band after they finish this tour. OMG.. it was SO FUN!! I haven't had that super nervous, anxious heart pounding sensation for awhile and I rocked out SO HARD with Sel'm that I'm SERIOUSLY painfully sore!! Was it worth it? HELL YAH!!!!

First time I saw Japanese girls' fighting over a water bottle thrown by DuelJewel. I was shocked... (you see this often in the States... but at a concert with girls apologize for accidently stepping on your feet when they were dancing or for headbanging in front of you despite hitting you or not... it was a shock that the two girls would NOT go of the water bottle)
I dodged a water bottle flung towards my head (shrugs.. it was one from DuelJewel and I'd rather have a pick)
Almost caught Sel'm guitarist's (Tsubaki) pick but it bounced off my hand and landed behind me and I couldn't get it before a girl slapped her hand on the pick and refused to lift her hands +P oh well haha
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Last minute, I found out that they were having a concert in Aichi! So I went and checked for tickets and there were still some left so I decided to go. I had work of course -_- goddamn... but I left a few minutes early and got there fine. Japan is a FREAKING awesome place!!! The crowd was SO small... I'm guessing there weren't more than a 200 people in the entire venue. Anyway, they all listened to the staff people! I was shocked! And it was quiet... no one was playing music super loud or doing anything obnoxious like in the States. But then again, standing in line was a little boring because nothing was really going on. Both have their points I guess. Anyway, ended up that it didn't matter whether I arrived late or early because there were numbers -_- But since there were so little people, I was able to be pretty close. Though not close enough to catch picks or anything... but Tsukasa's drum stick did land near me and I did get my hands around it. But some girl was already holding onto it so I couldn't well yank it out of her hands. Maybe if it were in the States, I would have... but everyone was so nice here.

Anyway, I think I have mastered head-banging. HAHHA I have passed the initiate rite too... because some girl had her hand on by back to steady herself when she head-banged. I watched the girl next to me do that to a girl in front of me even though they were strangers. People here are SO nice... there's no pushing, elbowing, stepping on feet, and mean words spat. When someone accidently stepped on someone's foot, they turned around and apologized. All the girls were also apologizing for their crazy head-banging. HAHA it was awesome to watch. Anyway, I like my short hair +P HAHHAH I was about ready to find someone in front of me to lean on while I head-banged too +P god it was AWESOME!! However, Japanese audience is REALLY quiet. They have that hand dance thing that I totally didn't know -_- but they didn't really cheer (only after a song was done which I guess is good) but damn... my voice is still totally okay because I didn't shout or anything. Only a few times but I felt like I was the loudest -_- But damn... I wonder where all these people learn that hand movement things.. everyone did it in sync and it was really cool... though I wish there were more noise. This is where I missed the American audience. We make NOISE!!! We SCREAM and we make sure the band hears us!!! +) hahaha but in the States, I NEVER head-banged caz I felt weird. People do it... but I only thought it was the weird mean ones who did it. Plus, most of the time, they're inconsiderate of the people next to them. I never head-banged in the States but I screamed my lungs out and I miss doing that at the concerts here. But head-banging is pretty awesome +) I had a huge bag with me today -_- that bag is going to be gone for the Exist Trace concert -_- how annoyingly inconvenient. I'm throwing it at the station. Anyway, it was freaking awesome +D HAHHAHA Hizaki was talking about Nagoya and how he thought TEBASAKI!!! And then he was like LETS GO TOGETHER!!! HAHAH god damn -_- people were so quiet though... I mean, they cheered but it wasn't out of control amazing like the States and there was some girl who just kept saying "Daryu Daryu"... Im sure she said "Karyu" but I was pretty deaf by then to hear. Oh man... he looked like Marilyn Manson today o.O I was standing a little in the middle of middle and right where Hizumi and Karyu were at. I just remember thinking to myself, Zero has a cute smile. He was smiling throughout the whole concert =) awww... geez... what a change. I used to think he was the most unattractive one in the band. But not anymore... Karyu.. oh boy -_- something looked off with him. AHH I got sprayed with Hizumi's water -_- he was just throwing water at us... and Zero was spitting water all over the place. HAHA I got sprayed ><

AWESOME CONCERT +D unfortunately, it ended in like... and hour and a half... I was thinking it would end around 11... like the ones in the States... but it started at 7:00 and ended around 8:50. Man... what a small turn out... I hope the Exist Trace concert is the same +P I WANNA GET A PICK OR SOMETHING!!!

My first Jrock concert in Japan... I had no idea how to act or what to expect... the crowd was small actually. But you'd expect that since it was on a weekday. The concert itself was super fun! They played a BUNCH of songs from their old days and they played forbidden!! OMG I LOVE THAT SONG!!! I was so HAPPY!!! and songs from their latest album which I didn't really listen that much before going to the concert. But live is DEFINITELY better! The crowd was pretty awesome for such a small number but I remember being ABSOLUTELY shocked that they were so quiet during the slow songs and clapped! OMG -_- CLAPPING at a rock concert?! (UNHEARD OF!!! HAHAHHA)
The most vivid memory I have of this concert was how red Hizumi's eyes were. HAHA they were BLOODSHOT >< poor boy either is REALLY tired, super hungover, high, or SERIOUSLY sick so I don't blame him for the indefinite hiatus.
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Jasmine You from Versailles has passed away. Haha... oh my god... I can't believe it. My throat is clenching up and I feel like crying. Why... god... it's so random and so... wtf-ed. He passed away yesterday? I don't know... I can't really think of anything. Oh my god... Jasmine You... god... I loved him >< Aside from Kamijo, he was my favorite member of Versailles. It's just so shocking... knowing that I've also seen him before in concert, having seen him and watched him play his soul out onstage. How could he have passed away just like that?! I knew he was having physical problems or something that caused him to take a break from any band activity but... why is this happening? Jasmine You?... god no... this really can't be happening. I was ready to watch them in concert here too now that I'm finally in the same country... how can this happen? What the fuck is going on!? Why is everyone passing away?! I can't believe this.

God I wish from the bottom of my heart that he rests in peace.

I still can't swallow the truth... this is so awful. The world lost one of it's best musician!! >
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Today is Sunday. I woke up and made lunch all by myself =) It was good except I put too much soysauce in the meatballs last night it came out a little too salty. But overall, it was good. I called Angel over to have some and she said it was good except it was too salty =P
We went to the video game store after that and she bought the taiko game!! I bough a dvd player... wanted to buy more stuff but I guess I'll go on my own so that I wouldn't feel like I'm being slow or time constrained. Anyway, after we came back, I went over to her place to play taiko. It was really fun! I'm thinking about whether I should get a wii or a PS3 -_- and it's really bothering me. I want to play Rockband or guitar freak or whatever. Gosh -_- which one should I buy? I don't know. Anywho, afterwards, I went to Yamada Denki and nittori to get a couple of stuff. Bought myself a kitchen mat, a bathroom shelf, an ironing board, a water boiler thing. And when I came out of the store, it was raining -_- and loading everything onto my bike in the rain sucked~ The ironing board was sticking all outta the place and my water boiler thing was all weird. And I was riding in the rain, but I did bring an umbrella. But I have to say... it's SO hard riding a bike with one hand on your umbrella and another one steering but occassionally having to make sure that the things in your basket doesn't fall out.

HAHA it was fun though because I made it back without any casualties. In the beginnin, I was seriously doubting the fact that I could have made it without getting lost and stuff. But I'm alive and well =D only having slight tummy problems. Not big... but I wonder if it's my food =P HAHAHA that would suck. Okay... well, gotta get ready for work tomorrow. We have a kenshyuu tomorrow so I have to dress up nicely.
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What a weird turn of events. I felt like I was on an ultimate high these past few days! Totally getting to know my co-workers... totally having fun at work, having fun hanging out and laughing. I went and chilled at Sarah's yesterday and we just talked for hours. I told her that I was planning to just stay a bit until 11 because I wanted to sleep early. I ended up leaving at 3 am -_- and dead tired because after a shower and getting ready, it was almost 4. And I had to wake up at 7 to get to work. Totally sucked today... I was exhausted and my supervisor caught me stealing a couple of zz's at work. She asked if I was alright =P haha but anyway... I had a wonderful time though. I talked to Sarah about a lot of things... thinking processes, past experiences, I opened up like SO quickly I felt myself totally WOWed... anyway. I was really happy and I felt like, somewhere somehow, I just felt so close with her that I just told her practically EVERYTHING without hesitation. I don't know whether it was real genuine 'trust' or 'connection' or 'vibe' or if it was just because I was tired off my ass and we know I get really talkative and weird when I'm tired.
Anyway, thing is....I guess i was on that high and now suddenly, I've fallen and I feel sick and sad and angry all at the same time. I just hung up on skype with my mom. I feel sick, annoyed at her... at myself, angry and sad all together. I shouldn't be annoyed with her, but I will admit, I think I am. She kept making these comments about how disgusting I looked and stuff. Granted, I know what she's saying is true because I haven't been sleeping well and I don't look too good myself. But she just kept going on and saying how sickening it was and all that and it made me feel so sick of myself and so sad and angry. I mean... she's half way around the world and I feel weird without my mother (I know... but this is really my first time OUT on my own) and I miss her, I need some sort of support, some sort of loving going on since I don't get that here. I mean, I have friends but we've only known each other for a week or whatever... but I need some real affections and stuff and here my mom goes on about all these terrible negative comments to say to me and I just felt so sick of myself. So angry at myself and angry at her for saying all these things to me. You know... I'm still trying to justify her side of the story because I always have an aching feeling after saying something bad about her... and I always feel disgusted and worthless of a daughter if I think anything negative about her. So even though I wish I couldn't, I know I will keep standing up for her and agreeing to whatever she says to/about me. That's just the way I am and I've always been that way. Whenever she said something, I accept it... I don't argue with her, I don't say anything back. I even mentally beat myself up if I dared think otherwise. But of course, this isn't for everything... for just simple conversational stuff, I disagree and all and it's fine. But when it's a little more serious or tense, I never NEVER think badly of her. I wouldn't dare say I hate her (and I don't... I love her more than anything) but I beat myself up if I even dared tread towards that direction. But here I am, justifying her side of the story and totally agreeing that I am disgusting to look at, that I'm so gross and something's wrong with me. *Sigh* it's ironic too since just a few hours ago, I was here preaching to Sarah about how happy I am with who I am and how happy I am. How positive I think life is. I don't know if I'm stressed... (truthfully, I don't think I am... I'm just getting all messed up). I'm sure a good night's rest would be good. But I wanted to cry now... Hahah I think I will actually =P It'll be good release. God... haha I'm such a sick person. I'm sad. Yup... I'm sad... save me. hahah well it's okay. Nothing can happen since I have nothing in my room to do anything with. My mind is slipping back into old bad habits. No no no no ><

Edit: after a quick shower... all is better. It's funny how fast my brain can shift. It's pointless for me to have had that ramble. All is well.
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I'm working in a city called Yokkaichi in Mie prefecture. This is technically my 3rd day and I really love this place. It's beautiful and totally the bomb! It's not crazy city like like in Tokyo (which I didn't want because I can't stand that noise and fast paced lifestyle) and it's not in the middle of nowhere (which a couple of my friends are working at ><) but it's a perfect balance of wonderful =D

Now I'm usually not THIS clumsy but I think it's the lack of sleep or something but I've been an absolute klutz these past few days. The day I went to work for the first time, I wore these shoes I haven't broken into and as I was walking I knew that I was in trouble. My foot ended up having 5 huge holes in them where my shoe rubbed against it so much that now there's a definite caving in all those holes. It was the most painful thing ever!! I had a tour of the city that day too -_-
That night, I went to the market to buy things and I placed my basket on a little counter and it flipped over and all my stuff fell out (I was at the cash register too by this time) and I picked it up and as I was doing that, I knocked over this entire hook thing and everything fell down. I felt so embarassed and sorry!! I kept apologizing to the cash register girl who just kept laughing at me and saying it was okay (when I'm sure she's probably pretty pissed ><)

Today, I woke up and went to hyaku yen store all by myself and then I met Sarah. HOLY FREAK!! The rain is just POURING DOWN right now... I can hear it... omg >< It was starting to sprinkle when Angel, Sarah and I got home so thank goodness... damn... sounds like a storm >< anyways... so we were going to Jusco and we were taking this sort of tight road and there was a car coming towards us. So we rode our bikes to the side but the side, there was this gutter thing and I was so scared of falling into it but I didn't want to run into the car either and eventually, some weid thing happened and I guess I lost my footing on one of the pedals and my foot clipped against it. I was wearing sandals too because sneakers are too painful because of my 5 holes from yesterday. I was like 'oww..' but whatever. Until I started feeling weird and looked at my foot and it was covered in blood. I didn't think it was SUCH a big deal but it just bled SO MUCH! I used up a bunch of tissue trying to soak it up but then it just bled again and it totally covered my sandal, it was gross. So I asked Sarah and Angel to take me to a convenience store to get bandaids and after getting all that, I was sitting on the things on parking lots... I don't know what it's called but that thing so that cars will park before hitting that white thing. Anyways, I was sitting there wiping off the blood when this old man pulls up into the parking space I was sitting at. He got out and said something about seeing my butt sitting there and almost hitting it or something (it was a joke) After I apologized to him, he asked me what I was doing and I showed him my bloody mess. He started asking me what happened and all while I was trying my hardest to open this stupid antiseptic/antibacterial alcohol whatever thing to wash my wound. But I couldn't get it opened no matter what so I started using my teeth and he was all like 'woh... she's using her teeth' and I still couldn't get it opened, he just took it and opened it for me. His hands on where my saliva's all over (I felt so embarassed because he opened it in a second)... and he went into the convenient store and I was getting ready to put that alochol thing on (had to take a bit to mentally prepare myself for the pain) when he came out. He stood there watcihng me for a second and started saying something about the cigarettes he just bought. I wasn't paying attention and I couldn't really understand anyway. But turns out, he wants to put the tobacco in my wound. he peeled off a bit and was about to do it when I moved my hand and made him drop it. He kinda grunted with a smile (I was starting to fall for this old man... he's such a sweetie ^^) and he peeled another piece and just placed it on my bloody mess of a foot and I bandaged it up. He said that it would stop the bleeding and everything.. hurted like a bitch though -_- he was so cute though, he was like 'itai?' and i was like 'itai ><' HAHAHHA and then he asked where we were from +P he's so nice =P HAHAHAHHAH

SOOOO... from that weird experience, I learned that tobacco can be helpful ^^ HAHHA I remember that whole time he was talking about putting tobacco on my foot, Sarah and I were like 'is that okay?!' and I was like 'I hope I don't get addicted to smoking after this' HAHAH

On our way back from Jusco, there was this dog pooing and his/her owner bent over with this white little net/basket looking thing and I seriously was like '......what is that lady doing??... you're not serious?!' the dog was pooing into the bucket thing!! HAHAHAHHAHA I WAS LAUGHIN MY ASS OFF SOOO MUCH I almost fell off my bike again!! HAHAH OMG!! It was so funny!! The dog was just pooing into the bucket and it's not really a bucket but like a REALLY small net looking thing and I was like WTF?! I mean... I wish my dog would do that but damn... how much training would go into that?? It was like a dog toilet?! HAHAHHA it was so funny >< omg... okay... I'm going to go back to unpacking =D

Meeting the mayor and superintendent on Monday. I bought a yukata today for the matsuri tomorrow!!
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So... it's been a long time since I learned that I got into the JET program. What have I been doing to prepare myself? Absolutely nothing -_- I feel like the whole situation is too big for my head to comprehend.

So, let's have a quick recap. Sims 3 came out on June 2nd and I got it that day =P collector's edition too! I was SO EXCITED!!! HAHAHAHAHA!! But I didn't do the countdown, instead, my brother was the one who kept updating to me. It's fun but I'm not as addicted?? Joking! I played like crazy! But then I stopped a bit because I was getting nervous! We had a little JET pre Pre-D meet up in SGV on the 11th and I was so nervous about meeting everyone that I couldn't really play =P Anyways, I met a couple of people and some alumni. I don't know why I was so nervous caz they all turned out to be really great and nice people. Unfortunately, we're all placed in little places all scattered in Japan so we aren't going to be close. June 14th was my commencemnt. It was boring, but a lot faster than I remembered it to be. I didn't try on my cap and gown until the day before the commencement, and I didn't plan on what to wear until that morning =P hahaha but I was glad I was able to see Jem and Melvin again. And afterwards, I saw Chrystal and she offered to give me her tassle... I was really surprised when she handed it to me and told me to take it. I was like '..... what?' I felt like 'this is what it feels like to be offered the button of your crush's high school uniform must feel like' HAHA I don't even know it giving a tassle away was that big of a deal or not, but I thought it was because I wouldn't give MY tassle away for anything... (maybe) But I was kind of shocked when she offered it to me so I kept saying 'Are you serious? Why? It's important, why the heck are you giving it to me?' So she said, then give me yours. I didn't think my tassle meant that much to me until she asked me to give mine. Then I was like '... no... why?' HAHAH I was so confused with the whole scene, but that's so Chrystal isn't it? She likes to tease me into thinking things and imagining things -_- cruel woman, but the masochist in me enjoys it doesn't it? Then she took her medal in her hand and said, 'then take this?' Again I refused and finally she was like 'it would be like having a piece of me with you, don't you want it? Don't you want to keep me with you?' Honestly, it was tempting but *sigh*

Anyways, so that was the end of my commencement, I'm off to Yellow Stone tomorrow, I've never been there. I need to start taking pictures and making myself look cool -_- so that I can show it to my students in Japan.
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It probably isn't going to really sink in?? Or has it already sunken in and I've just gone entirely numb that I can't feel it anymore!

I've been checking my email like a madman for the confirmation email that JET sends out EARLY april... Everynight I would peek at my inbox and see if anything pops out... nothing. Then I'd refresh the page and look again... on the one night that I decide "I'm just not going to check" my friend emails me on my other account telling me that he got placed as an alternative. I almost willed myself against not looking in my inbox because I was scared of what would come out. I'm going on vacation in two days... and I didn't want the "We're sorry to inform you that you have not passed the Interview... you sucked and we don't want you!" email looming over and depressing me and making my entire vacation week terrible >< and so I really really didn't want to look at the email.
BUT! Another part of me kept telling myself 'Oh you got it for sure!' Conceited right? But actually... even though I kept chanting it in my head over and over again, there was always that doubt that lingered not far behind, waiting to slaughter my conceit the moment I unconsciously stopped my chants.

A few days now I've been sitting home since I graduated... making occassional trips back to school for lab meetings and internship. But most of the time, I'm sitting here in front of my computer playing Sims or downstairs playing Rockband. Nothing nothing nothing... doing absolutely nothing. VERY unproductive... feeling like my life was forever going to be like this... actually... I wouldn't really mind. But the fact of the matter is... if I didn't get into JET, then it was time to look for a job when I got back from my vacation and it also meant, it was time to crack open some GRE books and study my butt off for the tests next year. Not so appealing huh? But then again, IF I got into the JET program, then that meant that I would be GONE! Gone from home for a year! And as 'momma's little girl' this sounds, I really can't bear leaving home for so long. No... scratch that... I can't bear leaving my mother for so long! Sure I lived on campus for almost 4 years... but practically EVERY weekend, I drove down back home to spend the weekend with my family. IF I got into this program, would I really be able to live without my family? So I was in a dilemma. A TERRIBLE dilemma... thinking of how to cope with either results.

SO ANYWHO... actually... just today I was feeling rather down on my drive to Riverside... feeling a little tingly on my skin... my skin calling out to me. I felt myself falling dangerously back to old and bad habits. However... erase that because now I'm numb and totally out of my mind!

BACK to the email. I finally decided to open it up. My curiousity seems to be my worst enemy. But on the contrary... there wasn't a "you suck" waiting for me. But I was looking all over the email for something that resembled "you got placed as an alternative" because that's what my friend got. And I thought he would have gotten in. He and I both had the same panel interviewers. We had the same Japanese teacher write our rec. and coach us throughout the whole JET application/essay/interview process. We both recieved our TEFL certificates... but here's what differed. I did the intensive TEFL program which squished everything into 4 weeks while he did the entire year program. Of course that meant that he got way more practice time than I did and he just finished which meant everything was still really fresh in his mind. I completed the program during summer and when the interview took place the following March, I practically forgot most of what I learned. So I thought that if HE got alternative, I either didn't get in at all, or I got alternative too. However, I didn't see anything that said "alternative" so I started scanning for "sorry" but there weren't any either. There was, instead, this weird thing that said "you've been selected as a short-list candidate". I read the email over and over again not understanding what a "short list candidate" meant... My mom was putting my clothes in my closet at the time and I just voiced out "I got... in? I'm not sure" My brother came in and heard me just wondering aloud to myself while my mom was asking "you got in? YOU GOT IN?!" My brother came and read the email aloud to me and called me stupid because my English was so bad that I couldn't understand what the email was saying (the irony ^^)

I looked to my mom who was now seated next to me on my bed... the same spot she sat when she first found out about my "bad" habit 4-5 years ago. She was looking at me and I was looking at her... I had my moment of freaking out... but at the same time, it was somewhat controlled... because I was still really scared that this "short listed candidate" didn't mean that I got in... so I was laughin with my mom going "I GOT IN?... maybe?! I DONT KNOW?! I DON"T KNOW!!" like a crazy person! It wasn't until I went to check on their official site that I found out... "short listed candidate" MEANS... "you got it" (why didn't they just say that?)
and THEN it was the REAL freak outs. My mom came back at told me that she knew all along because I worked so hard and her reading fortune thing told her that this year she was going to be separated from me. And when she told me that, she had this REALLY sad look on her face and I just teared up and I think she did also. I tried to suck it up but HAHAHA I couldn't really pretend. We hugged and I was laughing through my tears. It was happy though... and then she bounced out and started phoning the relatives while I emailed everyone who helped me!!

Wah... I'm exhausted but too excited to sleep!! FREAKING A!!! I can't believe it!! ><

Oh gosh... can't forget the part where I was sweating like a pig... I had just finished taking a shower too but I couldnt stop sweating because I was so excited/nervous/ahh god knows...
The ghosts have come to celebrate with me ^^
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Today is the first official day AFTER finishing college!! WOOO I guess it hasn't really sunk in yet, feels like any other weekend, but the fact that it's a Thursday is kind of trippy ><

So it's an interesting story.. so, I had jury duty this entire week and it also happened to be finals week at school -_- so anyways, I only had on final on Wednesday, so I thought I would be alright. I called in for jury duty everyday and they said that I didn't have to go on Monday and Tuesday. I called then on Tuesday and told them that I had a final on Wednesday and that if I was picked, I wouldn't be able to go. The guy said 'I can't do anything about it... take the risk, maybe they won't call you on Wed?' HAHA but lo-n-behold...I get called for Wed -_- Mind you, I have already driven back to UCR and spent the entire day in the Rivera Library studying for the final tomorrow. So I drive all the way back home to show up tomorrow at the stupid jury duty thing. I wake up at the butt crack of dawn and go there to tell them to postpone it. Come back and then drive back to Riverside to take my LAST FINAL OF MY COLLEGE CAREER (Soc of Edu) at 3pm. So I fly there, making it back by 130ish... I have to do things before moving out... so I pack up the rest of my stuff in the room, throw it in my car, return the parking permit and by that time, it was already 215. I borrow my roomie's parking permit so that I can continue parking at the parking lot. I rush to my class by 250ish and do some last minute cramming. My teacher waltz in around 315 and I notice that there are no papers in his hand (not a good sign) He announces to the class that 'as many of you know... I was still trying to finish writin your exams... about.. 30 minutes earlier... and I had about... 43 questions written... and my brain kinda gave out. So question 44 is 'what is my last name' and 45-50 the answer is A' HAHAHHAHA we all blurted out laughing!! The sad thing is... these 6 gimmi-points might actually be 5 gimmi-points because surprisingly, no one knows the last name of our professor. Anyways... in addition 'we have technical difficulties... the copier is broken so we have to wait about 15 more min to get your finals printed out... in the meantime, lets do a study session.' HAHAH the whole entire time, was so retarded... I didn't want a study session because I couldn't take anything more in my brain and I wanted to get the test over with. Time slowly crawled by until it was 4 -_- That's when our tests were finally distributed... I finished by... 420-30ish and jetted out of there. Did the move out stuff and was able to go home by 5.

Back at home, it kind of slowly sunk into my brain that I have just finished the last final of college! I was now a college graduate?! NO WAY?! HAHAHHA I still can't really belive it!! It's kinda of scary actually to think that I'm finished!! Almost 4 years completed!! WOOO ITS A CRAZY FEELING!! It's like waking up and having nothing to do in your life anymore >< It's kinda terrifying... if this JET Program doesn't pan out... wtf am I going to do for a year!? I'm going to be doing research and internship... but still! OMG... it's crazy though!! I just hope I get it because if I don't, I don't know what I'm going to do! HAHAH but for now, I have a crapload of stuff to unpack! Mega cleanup of my room (which I haven't done for practically 4 years)... and a celebration to have!! FREAKING A!! IM DONE WIT COLLEGE!!! HAHAHHA omg... I feel old but not really at the same time... I feel different but the same?? I can't really describe the feeling!! I'm the first of my family to have graduated from college! I'm a new generation of college go-ers caz Jason's next!! OMG!! Almost 4 years!! Gone like that!! WOW!!!
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I just saw the grade for my Soc of Edu paper and... o.O?! WHAT?! 98/100?! NO WAY?! I literally had to rub my eyes and look again! That paper was the MOST BS-ed paper I have EVER WRITTEN in my entire life!! How the hell did I get a 98?! I seriously wrote whatever on that paper because I procrastinated like there was no tomorrow! I should have started on it WAY early but I had my interview coming up and I was spending all my energy stressing out about it that I totally threw this paper to the side. My interview was the day before this paper was due and I thought that if I could just write a bit before the interview and finish it the day OF my interview, then I shouldn't have a problem... but of course, as my interview date approached, everything on my mind was set on that and I couldn't write concentrate on writting my paper. I did manage to scribble 2 pages or so but it was all crap because I couldn't find references an that meant that I totally didn't have time to read the articles either. Whatever... I just told myself that I'll finish the paper after I finished my interview in the morning, but of course, I was tired as hell because I couldn't sleep the night before my interview. So I was finishing my paper with a cloudy mind. I kind of imagine myself writing this paper drunk =P it seriously felt like that. Even now, I don't dare to reread what I wrote because I don't even know if I'd understand what I wrote. Plus, I was having the hardest time trying to get it to be the minimum page limit. God, so that meant I just wrote and wrote without know what I was writing... so... a 98?!

But you know what... this isn't good >< haha because I told myself that I'd be happy in these scenarios:

If I got into the JET program and failed the paper.
If I didn't get in the JET program but passed this paper.

Of course, there was the BEST scenarios where I'd ACE the paper as well as get into the JET program.
And the WORSE scenario where I failed the paper AND didn't get into JET.

I seriously pray that it's the BEST scenario ^^
Just gotta wait! I did have a dream that I got in though so maybe that's a good thing?

But recently, I've been thinking... if I really got in, I'm in for A LOT of work >< And I keep wondering to myself whether I'd really be up for it? Haha... defensive pessemist?? I think I'm starting to get confortable with the idea of continuing Psychology though? But that's what happened also after I turned in my JET application and was waiting for the interview confirmation.

Oh well =) I have the study for my final now... LAST FINAL on WED! AND IM OUT OF COLLEGE!! WEEE =D
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So I stressed like hell for the past... ever since I found I go the interview... that would be like... 3+ weeks -_- so practically this entire month was full of stressing out. I practiced so much I thought I would have done amazing. However, I had my interview today in the morning. Don't know how it went... but hopefully it was okay. I wasn't exactly as nervous as I thought I would be... but I could have emphasized more points about myself. Dunno... I feel like I talked too much and perhaps didn't answer exactly perfect. But I smiled a lot and sat up straight. Throughout the entire time, touched my hair once only. Look at interviewers, shook hands and repeated their names... whatever -_- who knows.

I'm trying not to think about it much because what's done is done... but the more I think about it, the more I don't care =P HAHA I feel like I did pretty good considering how freaked out I was earlier about this interview. Sadly, I wasn't able to sing or do demo lesson plans that I worked so hard on >< instead, I was asked how I would teach 2 historical events -_- f-ing question -___- I totally didn't know what to say on that one. GOD DAMN >< I HATE THAT QUESTION!! i wasn't even ask to demonstrate my Japanese =*( But whatever... we'll see what happens. Sato-sensei said she doesn't know the panel who interviewed me but if she sees them tomorrow, she will ask for me. Dunnno if I really want to know? Outta the 3 other ppl who were interviewing at my time, I dunno... I feel like that Alex guy may get in? He's smile-y and really nice. The girl Alex... huh shrugs... and that Galaxy guy -_- dunno but his interviewer looked nice. Oh well, its over and done =) now time to bs my 7 page soc paper =P

I hope I can go >
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Kinda creepy caz it's only a few minutes from where I live... The air is full of ashes and the smell of smoke seeps through every crack. I'm a little scared, though I keep telling myself that the winds have calmed down and find articles that say that they've calmed the fire down, I'm still a little nervous. I've even packed a couple of my stuff just incase an evacuation happens while I'm at school. At that moment, I realized, I don't really know what I'd take if I could only take a couple of things. Pictures? Mom and brother both say that it's unnecessary. But I think it's something we need to take. I don't know but I don't want the fire to crawl any closer! It's really scary!!
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I'm sure if this gets read by some ppl, I'm going to get hell.. but I have to write it just to retain my opinion at this moment

I just watched the new DEG pv "vish something". I didn't know that Toshiya shaved half his head?! I was kinda surprised... I caught a glimpse of it during the PV and had to stop, rewind, and watch again =P um... the song? It's ehh.. honestly, I don't like their new album. There's perhaps... 2 songs that I like? Maybe? Glass Skin and Ware whatever... but that's probably it. Dozing green is okay.. but yah.. that's about it. Everything else might start off good and then down it goes and since each song is like... 5-7 minutes, it gives them a long time to keep my interests... so ya... it also means that its easier for me to dislike a song once it's FINALLY playing its final minutes. I really don't like Kyo's ROAR ROAR GRRRoOowwwll!!! It's really annoying... it sounds REALLY annoying now. When he first started doing that, I thought it was kind of nice, it added to his emotional strain to the music.. but now it's just ugh -_- anyways... DEG fans will hate me for this.. but whatever. If they like it, that's good for them.

Okay.. so the other PV I watched was Gackt's Jesus PV. I haven't kept up with his stuff so I don't know but this is the first time I've heard him in a long time and quite frankly.. it was sorta nostalgic to listen to this =) I was kinda happy.. but at the same time.. somewhat 'huh' when I watched his PV. I think... this kind of hard rockish music doesn't fit him.. he should go back to singing love songs or songs about sex =P It fits him better. I mean, the song itself is alright... but just the fact that Gackt sings it makes it kinda interesting. Watching the PV is another thing... Gackt doesn't look so good headbanging but whatever, I can deal with that. The whole PV kind of reminds me of Dir en grey's "the final" PV with some guy in this dark room and a suicide. Of course... the poor guy would wanna commit suicide since Gackt and his little band members are rocking out around him going 'HEY HEY HEY HEY!!' Anyways... interesting song... quite good... just doesn't fit Gackt.

I just watched this Chinese movie/drama thing called Painted Skin... it's kinda weird but it was sort of nice in the end. Talke about this fox spirit who falls in love with this army general who ends up 'rescuing' her and taking her back home to his wife. Of course, the wife starts to get suspicious of the fox spirit lady and whatever... fox lady says that she's in love with her husband and wife gets all OMG! She cries about this and broods for awhile until she's convinced herself that her husband is also in love with the fox lady. So whatever.. in the end, fox lady turns his wife into this weird white skinned, white haired, crying blood lady and husband runs over and says 'even if you're a monster, I still love you' (aww) anyways.. whatever... kind of touching but the movie itself was kinda weird. Really random scenes that fade in and out and you don't really see the point of the scene. The wife and the fox lady also look REALLY alike so it took me awhile to be able to figure out who was who. However, the actress who played the wife looked a lot like the girl who played 'Hataraki Man' but Chinese versioned.

Actually.. I'm really tired. I think if I weren't this tired, I wouldn't be bagging out on these things publicly....
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